Kicking Your Addiction to Control – Part 3 (Surrender)

So let’s begin from the end of Part 2…

(to play catch up click here )

But there’s one addiction you and I need to deal with before any of this true freedom is possible.

The addiction behind all the other addictions…


“I call the shots around here”

“Nobody tells me what to do”

Control = I am my own authority.

Like you, I’m ‘Addicted to playing god’

And I believe there’s only one pathway to breaking this addiction.

So let’s talk about something few of us want to talk about…

AA seem to talk about it, but I’m not hearing much anywhere else.


When was the last time you gave any form of mental assent to the topic of surrender?

It’s certainly not on my daily top 3 list of topics to think about that’s for sure.

I wonder if for most of us, surrender seems like a last resort, something you only do when there are no other possible options?

Armies only surrender when they face imminent and certain defeat.

Surrender feels like such a loss of autonomy (control)

As David Benner says: “For men, surrender usually feels like failure and defeat, and for women surrender often feels dangerous because it implies powerlessness that could leave them vulnerable to exploitation and mistreatment.”

So we all tend to have a natural aversion to surrender for a whole host of reasons.

I wonder if one more reason the idea of surrender seems so foreign, is because we ultimately hold a belief deep in our hearts, that there is NO power out there more trustworthy than ourselves?

Who can you trust as much as yourself?

Many Christians would say God…

nice idea!

but do you mind if I hook up the lie detector?

I hear the words “I trust God” all the time, but don’t really see it in action a whole lot, do you?

I can say this cos’ I’m a hypocrite too!

It’s so easy to say; “I’m trusting God to meet all my needs bro”

However, if I’m really honest I would say that God hasn’t had much say at all in many of the decisions I’ve made for the bulk of my existence.

I’ve mostly made my own decisions.

Maybe I’ve been afraid of God?

Afraid that He doesn’t really have my best interests at heart?

or afraid that He’ll make me do something I really just don’t want to do like move to East Timor or Mongolia?

or Melton…

Playing out in your imagination a life where your only answer is ‘yes’ to everything God asks, will quickly reveal what you truly believe about God.

I also believe that if you can locate the areas where you’re most controlling in your life, you’ll probably locate the areas where you most need God.

Do you know what you truly need / want from God?

I do…

I need / want God to fulfil my desire & longing to be known.

I’m not talking about fame, although we all secretly want it 🙂

I want the Lord to know me, to see me, to know who I am, to know what I’m doing, to know what I’m feeling and what I’m thinking.

I’ve spent so much of my life managing my appetite to be known.

as opposed to…




How much time and attention do you give to medicating the ache that comes from aloneness?

Go have a wine & ponder this one for a while…

I know in my head that the Lord ‘knows’ me, we all do, but knowing in our head is not enough.

Religion is all the the head!

I need to know in my heart!

This needs to land…

So what I can say I’m learning is this;

It’s only through the intimacy that comes from walking with God on a daily basis that I can also ‘know’ Him in my heart.

(I literally do walk every day!)

As I walk with God, He’s showing me what I can surrender, what I can let go of, what He’s got covered.

He’s revealing all my needs & desires that I don’t have to micro-manage anymore.

I’m hearing Him say things like;

“James, you don’t have to…”

“James, If I’m big, you don’t have to be big…”

“James, let me be this for you…”

and with every day He’s sounding less like a magical Genie

and more like a Father.

If you’ve enjoyed reading this, please like, comment, share or all three. Cheers


One thought on “Kicking Your Addiction to Control – Part 3 (Surrender)

  1. Great blogs James. I really identify with this … & want to increasingly learn the surrender part 😰😥. God bless you & Annie. You may have heard we’re now in a caravan going around Aus. We wanted to get to Encore one last time & say goodbye but it just didn’t happen. So for the short while we were getting there we want to thank you for the blessing. You have something really special going on there. Love to family & all.

    Linda Kriedemann


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