Interrogate ambivalence and find your True North…

ambivalence1

I crave genuine authenticity
Though at times I’m ambivalent, ashamed of my flaws
So I hide…
However, when I find enough courage to be true to myself, I feel alive.

I long to be vulnerable
Though at times I’m ambivalent, afraid of rejection
So I armour up, pretending I’m bulletproof…
However, when I find enough courage to be naked, I feel clothed.

I desire to be affectionate
Though at times I’m ambivalent, afraid of my feminine
So I keep my hands & eyes to myself…
However, when I find enough courage to say and touch, I feel masculine.

I thirst to be intimate with those I love most
Though at times I’m ambivalent, afraid of being exposed as weak
So I isolate…
However, when I find enough courage to love deeply, I feel strong.

I want to be truthful to those who have hurt me with their words
Though at times I’m ambivalent, afraid of giving them power to know they can hurt me
So I stay silent, and bury my pain…
However, when I find enough courage to have my voice, I feel healed.

I’m drawn to fight for the hearts of the fatherless
Though at times I’m ambivalent, afraid I don’t have what it takes
So I stay in my own lane…
However, when I find enough courage to stand up, I feel like a warrior.

I love the idea of being loved
Though at times I’m ambivalent, afraid I’m not loveable
So I numb with addictions and pleasure…
However, when I find enough courage to believe, I feel worthy.

Why are there so many wounds at the very heart of our identity?

Why am I the last person to see the goodness that others see in me?

Why do we face such fear in our deepest desires?

Ambivalence feels like an emotional tug o’ war…

ambivalence2

Leaving us bruised and confused.

But it doesn’t have to play out this way…

When we interrogate our own ambivalence like a soviet spy during the cold war, eventually we uncover vital clues that point to our ‘true north’ in life.

Clues like;

Weakness points to Strength

Fear points to Faith

Discouragement points to Desire

Shame points to True Identity

Hiding points to Being Fully Alive

Rejection points to Vulnerability

Isolation points to Intimacy

Pain points to Healing

And we have two choices…

Allow ambivalence to toss us back and forth playing the role of slave.

or we use it to our advantage playing the role of master.

And we win the tug o’ war.

If you’ve enjoyed reading this, please like, comment, share or all three. Cheers.

4 thoughts on “Interrogate ambivalence and find your True North…

  1. I remember when I first read this James. It’s so powerful! So true! So revealing of our deeper selves. Thank you. Wendy.

    Like

  2. James this is awesome, fierce, inspiring, touching, beautiful (and courageous). Let’s climb this mountain together. I want to be that man too. With deep affection (and dare I say it, love), your brother Tim

    Like

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